The Cats

I may as well introduce you to the cats. Sooner or later, we'll have to talk about them. My wife has four cats. Please note that I did not say we have four cats. I want to be very clear about this. I do not own a cat... but I tolerate them. In return, they and the Missus let me live here.

There's Yellow Cat, the oldest and with the most seniority, the only male. For quite some time Yellow was known as the al-Quida cat for his propensity to terrorize the neighborhood pets as well as any wildlife that foolishly wandered into his territory. These days, Yellow is getting long in the tooth and prefers to simply watch over his domain from the back deck and let the younger ones due the fighting. Not that he won't mix it up now and then but that's another story.

Then there's the gray cat named Blue. Why it isn't called Gray, I'll never understand. Blue was a stray of course, just as they all were. Like most stray cats, they just show up on your doorstep one day and demand to be fed; Blue was no exception. The unique thing about the Blue cat is that she is bi-polar and delusional. If you watch for awhile, she will sit down on her rump and stare at the sky, constantly swiveling her head as if watching for Japanese Zeros to come out of the sun. I'm sure the Missus would like to take her to a cat psychologist but that hasn't happened...yet.

Brat Cat: As the name implies, this cat gets into any and everything. If it moves, it's not safe from the Brat cat. Phone cords, a leaf, a grasshopper, or your toes are fair game. She teases the other cats and constantly wants to play fight even though it's 100 degrees in the shade. My suggestion for permanent solitary confinement for this troublemaker has been dismissed without negotiation or arbitration.

Lastly, and the latest addition is Minnie Le Mew, a calico cat that eats, sleeps, and uses the litter box. That's it, that's all she does. It wasn't always that way but again, that's another story.

I have a lifetime of experience dealing with cats and their consequences. Feel free to call on me for advice. In fact, I put together a little guide on that very subject and is available for download at http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/cat-consequences/2620748?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

Think of it as a public service. You're welcome.