Saturday, January 14, 2012

Oh No Tebow

When Heisman Award winning Tim Tebow played quarterback for the University of Florida and led them to a BCS Championship, ESPN piously anointed him with the title of greatest college quarterback in the history of the game. Now playing with the Denver Broncos, the lad has again been in the spotlight, not so much for his skills or statistics, but the unlikely wins the Broncos have pulled out in a late season series of overtimes. As most fans of football know, Tebow is an extremely devout individual and his repeated action of dropping to one knee and praying on the football field (known as Tebowing) has turned into a bit of a national phenomena.

Now, according to recent news, we find that many people believe that Mr. Tebow has been receiving a little help from the #1 fan in the galaxies. Yep, the big quarterback in the sky. Out of a thousand people polled, 43% believe that Tebow is getting divine help. To which I say: Really?

Are you telling me that 43% of those people believe that those rare Tebow touchdown passes found their way into the gloved hands of those highly skilled, flat-bellied, long-legged, athletic wide receivers via some sort of celestial GPS system? Did some kind of unseen force bat the ball away from an opposing safety on the verge of a Tebow interception? Or did a tuft of grass have a sudden spurt of growth and trip that charging linebacker that was about to knock ol’ Tim on his butt? If not, then just how does this prime time, fourth and fifteen and down by ten, divine intervention work anyway? And why only for Tebow and not several other players in the NFL who are equally devout?

“You want proof?” say the Forty-Three Percent. Check the stats of a recent game:

Tebow threw for 316 yards, averaged 31.6 yards per completion, and the game drew a 31.6 TV rating. You’ve heard of John 3:16 haven’t you…you…atheist? Those numbers can’t be a coincidence.

Yes they can…and are.

But why all this divine subtlety with the numbers? How about some good old fashioned, biblical, in-your-face intervention. Say like, oh, an attempt to kick a winning field goal in sudden death overtime by the opposing team and the football stops in mid-air, inches before sailing over the crossbar, and stays there for say…three or four days. Then, just as the last remaining official is about to call the game for the other side, the ball falls straight down bouncing harmlessly this side of the goal line. Broncos win! Now that's an intervention.

So Tim, on the other hand, let’s say you do have an “in”. How about a couple Super Bowl tickets on the fifty? Huh? How ‘bout it? A miracle? Well yeah…but duh.

Update: Broncos Lose Playoff Game. Season Over.  Must have been an overcast day in New England.

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